nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He better not be in your backpack
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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