When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
