Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We talked him into tasing himself.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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