he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
