I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize