Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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