Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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