just tell him i said nine months
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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