so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
