Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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