Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
