I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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