Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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