I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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