It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
