He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
