i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
