It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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