Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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