is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
