My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
