At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
