woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
