rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
