dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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