Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
