Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Boobs speak an international language.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
