You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
