I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
