dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
