i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
