Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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