I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
