So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
