She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
