I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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