i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
