brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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