he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Randomize
