Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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