fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He better not be in your backpack
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
