Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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