Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
