Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize