I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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