Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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