I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
