that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
