this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
