I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
