The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
