sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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