I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
