i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
