so that wasnt chicken after all
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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