Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
