the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Bring me that man meat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
