Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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