I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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