yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
