Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
