Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
