Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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