I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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