were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
