paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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