i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
