Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
